What is Love? : An Individual’s Evolution of Thought

*contains a swear word*

  1. love is finding wholeness in the one who will rescue my romantic heart. love involves a lot of passion and conflict because you have to fight for your loved one with a broadsword.
  2. love requires you to love yourself otherwise love is unsafe and degrading for your sense of self.
  3. love is wholly irrational because to be vulnerable with another and to invest your wellbeing in them is contrary to self-preservation.
  4. love is the process of learning to love yourself and another, to lift someone and be lifted in return.
  5. love is hard work. there is no prince charming, no soulmates. there are only people who have to work hard to create a life together.
  6. love doesn’t have a happy ending, it just sometimes doesn’t work. and then sometimes it does work and you still won’t be happy.
  7. love doesn’t have to last forever. love can last one night.
  8. love isn’t hard. it is easy and simple.
  9. love is a good for its own sake, it is an end in itself. it is the process of enlarging oneself to be more than a solitary speck in the universe. love is life-affirming, love is meaningful, love makes people special to us in more than self-interested ways.
  10. love leads us somewhere. love is reaching for wholeness, belonging and meaning. love is grasping the life-force and attempting to merge with it before it slips through our fingers. finding the meaning of life is not the point, for in the act of loving we say, “there is a reason to live.” It doesn’t matter whether or not there is meaning. In the act of loving and desiring, we simply turn our backs to what we do not know and say “fuck it, let’s just live.”


  1. Hi Adriana! Thank you for such an unusually insightful and thought-provoking post!

    I was especially struck by this observation of yours: “love doesn’t have to last forever. love can last one night.” I’m sure you’re aware of how few people see the truth of that. You put in some genuine thinking-outside-the-box there, I believe. I’m so grateful you did, too, because it has helped to make my day to find I’m not entirely alone in some of my wackier opinions.

    I’m even more impressed by your points 9 and 10. Such insight! You’ve helped me to see these things fresh again, and to expand on my own understanding of love.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so grateful for your kind words!
      If you are interested in any philosophy of love, I encourage you to read Aristotle’s Metaphysics, Thomas Aquinas, Dante’s Divine Comedies, St. Augustine, Plato’s Symposium, Rumi, Simone de Beauvoir and Albert Camus. That’s a real hodgepodge of old and new(er) writers, religious and secular, female and male (ok fine there is only one female writer there). 9 & 10 are directly inspired by Albert Camus and Aristotle. Talk about old and new, huh?
      And about “love can last one night” – people don’t see “real” love as that way. Perhaps a “one-night stand” type of encounter is not being IN love, but I think our conception of love is small. If we consider the ACT of loving, or loving as ACTION, maybe choosing to love someone rather than fuck them is a more powerful choice that is in line with our values? That’s where my thoughts take me.
      Also – if you read the list in order and consider each step leading to the next, maybe this will let you read the piece differently again. This list is a direct commentary on how I saw love throughout my love, starting in childhood and ending now. I expect it will keep changing.
      Thanks for the great comment! – Adriana


  2. Thank you for the recommended readings! That’s very thoughtful of you. I’ve studied some of those good folks, but mostly back in my undergraduate days. That was four decades ago, and I have by now forgotten almost all of the details that I once so assiduously poured over. I’m so glad to meet someone who is so well-read in philosophy!

    I’m of the possibly alarming opinion that there are at least four distinct types or kinds of love, in addition to infatuation. There is no one true love for me.

    Thank you too for pointing out how you’re ideas progressed! That adds to my appreciation of them!


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